Headline Copy Redo: Optimail

I came across Optimail in a Reddit thread on r/startups.

I like the concept, they’re using artificial intelligence to take the headache and time out of creating a traditional drip campaign with all the logic and conditions. But I felt their headline didn’t convey that at all. Instead it was too focused on the tech they’re offering. Knowing marketers and business owners I’ve worked with, they don’t care how the product works, they care about the results and how it will help them.

Original Headline


  • Explains how Optimail helps: It automatically sends personalized messages based on customer preference and behavior


  • Too many buzzwords: Adaptive personalization, artificial intelligence
  • Explains features and not benefits
  • Doesn’t say how Optimail fixes a pain point

New Headline

What I fixed: I made it more about the benefits than the features and tech. Optimail is great because you save hours of your time that you’d otherwise be spending on a traditional drip campaign set up. Better yet, the system works to keep users engaged on your behalf.

The subhead is still a bit wordy, but I think the headline helps get the point across that Optimail will save you time. You’re not purchasing this solution because of the artificial intelligence, you’re buying it because you want to save time, keep users engaged, and increase sales.